it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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