if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
