bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
