Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
