Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
