just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
