I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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