I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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