Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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