I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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