if you like me you must not know who I am
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
