Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
