mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
