No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
