He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
