I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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