Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
