dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
