She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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