I cannot find my penis.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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