ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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