I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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