it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
