My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
