I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is Oprah even human
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
