so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
