He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
