So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
