We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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