oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
