I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
