You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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