I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
only you would photoshop your dick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
