it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
