I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
