I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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