on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
