My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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