Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize