her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
