We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
