Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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