Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry my hands just texted you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
