I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
