Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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