somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
