Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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