White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He felt like a one man threesome
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
