fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
