I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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