A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
