At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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