Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
