Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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