grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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