I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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