After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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