I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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