There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
