I need help removing her.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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