yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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