FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am one with the molecules
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
