He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So vagazzling was a success
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
