Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
